tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17147621985075255742024-02-08T06:47:35.832-08:00Our Forever FamilyA Journey in Completing our Family through Foster Adoption in CaliforniaHeatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03388566733823893973noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1714762198507525574.post-49618030834537392472013-06-10T23:54:00.000-07:002013-06-10T23:54:13.820-07:00The first steps in a long process...<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The first thing we did once we decided to pursue adoption
was to ask other adoptive parents we knew about agencies and experiences.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We got a few different points of view but
quickly settled on an agency that our close friends used to adopt their two
girls.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is a Christian agency (which
we really like), and our friends had nothing but positive things to say about
their experience with and preparation through this agency.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The first step for us was to go to the
information meeting, so we found our way there at the beginning of May.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And let me tell you the meeting is aptly
named; we were inundated with information!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Our host led us through all three types of adoption; international,
relinquishment, and foster to adopt (fos adopt).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>To adopt a newborn baby through
relinquishment means that you are chosen by a birth mother who is willingly
giving up her baby for adoption.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
praise the Lord for this option!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am so
thankful for the women out there who have chosen not to abort their children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Though a birth mother may not feel adequate
or prepared to raise a child, she is giving some parents an opportunity to
build a family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s amazing!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it also means that adoptive parents will
most likely be covering all of her medical expenses…to the tune of WAY more
money than Clint and I have available!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>International adoption wasn’t something that Clint and I have ever
talked about and didn’t feel like the Lord was leading us toward, although I greatly
admire the parents that choose this rout as well!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is time consuming, lengthy and expensive
but what a need there is! <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then
there is foster adoption, the rout Clint and I have chosen to take.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>At the information meeting we were reaffirmed
in our initial decision to foster adopt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It is not only the most affordable for us at this time but also the most
commonly done at this particular agency.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We would very much like to add to our family through adoption, but we
are not interested in being “foster parents” with children in and out of our
home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just don’t think my heart could
take that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What we like about this
agency is that they make a priority of not placing children until the parental
rights of the biological parents are on track to be terminated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It seems like such a lengthy and daunting
process, yet even after knowing all that is involved we still feel pulled in
this direction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The more we learn about
the foster care system the more we want to adopt from it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every single child in foster care is coming
from a bad situation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every child will have said goodbyes they didn’t
want to, and been removed from an unhealthy environment and at times even
taken from that situation straight to a foster home which isn’t much better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I think of what we have to offer a child
I get so excited!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have an instant
family!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have love and affection, encouragement
and discipline, but most of all we have Jesus Christ!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t wait to have the opportunity to raise
a child to know and (I hope and pray) to love and serve the Lord, when they may
have never been given that opportunity otherwise. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We received the application after the information meeting
and it felt SO good to finally have this piece of the process in hand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We spend the 2 hour ride home from the meeting talking through
the application.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Quickly we realized that
we were pretty much in line with what we feel would be a good fit for our
family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When we got to the number of
children we would be willing to adopt I looked over at Clint and asked “would
you ever consider adopting more than one?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We had just seen our friends adopt sisters and though it was a huge
adjustment for them, we saw the need there is to adopt siblings from foster
care and the benefits of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He thought
for just a second and answered with “yes, I think I would consider that.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We sat silent for a moment as we both
digested what had just been spoken out loud.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We may be willing to add not one but two more kids to our family of
four.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Are we crazy??<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I sat and thought about it more I was
overwhelmed yet surprisingly not scared.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I have been diligently covering this in prayer since we initially began
talking about it. So is the Lord preparing us for an addition of 2 more?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’ll see!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Once we were home and able to talk about the lengthy process
foster adopting is, we decided to get the ball rolling as quickly as we
could.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There are so many meetings,
classes, visits, etc. that it could take months to complete the whole process
BEFORE you even start looking for a child(ren).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Looking both at the class schedules for the closest office and Clint’s’
travel schedule we decided that we needed to make the effort to attend Class 1
asap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On Sunday we realized that the
next meeting was Thursday and our application had to be overnighted to the
office the very next day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yikes!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>SO Sunday afternoon, so much quicker than we
thought, we sat down at our tiny dining room table in our tiny house and filled
out a life changing application.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were
asked all the super easy questions about basic information, criminal record,
history and such and filled those out quickly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The more challenging questions were tougher to answer.; ethnicity, race,
gender, number of children, disabilities we are willing to accept.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Clint and I got through it all prayerfully and
Monday morning came.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The application,
photos and deposit check were fitted snugly into an envelope and before I sent
it off overnight I snapped a picture.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
felt like I needed to document the moment that we officially turned in our
application.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We were officially on the
track of adoption. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">We attended Class #1 that week and felt like we were well
prepared for what to expect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The couple
who hosted the class in their home talked at length about their adoption story
in which they had adopted 3 boys all at once!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I was blessed to get the perspective of another family with biological
children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Having two kids already I want
to make sure I am super sensitive to them and their needs, and welcome any
advice I can get on making the transition smoother for them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We talked about “adoption language” in the
class, which was not something I had ever thought about (terms like “real”
children vs “adopted” children, or “real” mother vs “biological” mother), and
as I learned more I hoped I had never been guilty of using such insensitive terminology.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> we also talked about the pros and cons of each type of adoption as well as various possible adoption scenarios. </span>Overall it was informative and encouraging
and once again we were affirmed in our decision.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The next step and the latest we have reached was the Intake
Interview with the branch director of the agency.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After class 1 we left for vacation and two
days after coming home, we had our interview!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We wanted things to move quickly and the Lord sure was working it out
that way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We sat down and really talked
about ourselves, our family, our lifestyle and what we desired in the child we would like to
add to our family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We would like to keep
the birth order of our biological children so we have said we will take a child
of either gender under the age of 3 or a brother/sister sibling set if the ages
are between 0-3.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The truth is finding
such young children may take some time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We may have to wait quite a while.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
have prayed about it and still feel confident that we always want our first and
second born to keep their place in the family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We were given an enormous amount of paperwork and told what classes and
meetings we still have to complete before we even begin the home study.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We really have only just begun.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So that is where we are right now in June of 2013.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are trying to quickly chisel away at the
paperwork, articles, appointments and certifications before our next class on
June 22<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">nd</span></sup>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My imagination is running
wild considering all the Lord has in store for us over the next months and years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am excited at the prospect of growing my ministry
of motherhood to include a child or children that may otherwise not be raised
in a loving, connected and Christ centered home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ones that we can kiss on and love, ones that
can have an older brother AND sister to bug them and defend them, ones who need
a mom and dad to love them enough to discipline and direct them, ones who will
have a church home and grow up to know that we are here to serve Christ and
each other. My heart wants to know the answer to so many questions already, but that isn't how our Savior works. Only He knows who our future child (or children) is and what wounds they may carry before they come to our home, but I trust Him and His timing. So my job right now is to love and minister to my children here at home and to do what is asked of me in order to bring home the rest!</span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03388566733823893973noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1714762198507525574.post-78719150856523100932013-06-05T22:31:00.000-07:002013-06-05T22:31:05.670-07:00Like any, our adoption journey has a backstory...this is ours!<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I always said I would be done having kids by the time I was
30. I’m sure when I’m nearing 40 I will laugh at
myself about my need to accomplish things before I’m “30,” like it was some
sort of ending point of my youth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe
it is and maybe it isn’t, but regardless I’m staring down the barrel of that anticipated birthday and I see an exciting share of new beginnings
for me!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I always said I would be done
“having” kids before I was 30 and well….I am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I am not going to take any more pregnancy tests, suffer through 9 long months
and one more C-section to deliver a third perfectly beautiful child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I am totally at peace with that. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I don’t feel like I am done having
kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When Clint and I were engaged, we had always talked about having
three or four kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course as most
couples soon realize, life gets in the way of plans.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had a pretty easy time getting pregnant
with our first and complications of pre-ecclampsia at the end resulted in a C-section.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had no second thoughts of wanting more
children and we started trying again after our beautiful little girl turned
one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After 9 months I had a pregnancy end
in an early miscarriage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was an
emotional time for me, but I also knew well that this was a fairly common occurrence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My own mother had several miscarriages and I
knew it was a sad part of a woman’s life sometimes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We cried, we prayed and then we tried
again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Right away we got pregnant with
our second child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Another easy beginning
and at 36 weeks after months of complications, hospital stays, more tests than
I care to remember, bed rest and a second C-section, the Lord gave me a healthy
and BIG baby boy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love being a mom to
my two children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I get frustrated and
discouraged like any other mama, and I have days that I wonder how I will ever
manage, but the Lord <u>always</u> leads me through them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At the end of every day I am blessed and
doing what I knew I always wanted to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When I was too young to know any better and was asked what I wanted to
be when I grew up I would always say “a helicopter pilot!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have no idea why or what I was thinking and
if you know me at ALL, you know I HATE to fly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But once I had a better grasp of myself and the world around me I knew I
wanted to be a wife and a mom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I met my
husband when I was 17 and even through college I knew I was just buying time
for some “future career” after I was done raising my kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew then what the Lord had called me to
do. And after one glance at each of my new babies I have been affirmed that is
EXACTLY what I am supposed to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have
been determined ever since to do the best I possibly can to raise my children
to love the Lord, to love each other and be well rounded and healthy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love being mommy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love the little hands that hold mine to
cross the street and wrap around my neck when their tired.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love the dirty little feet that provide
giggles when we scrub them in the tub.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
love the messy smiles, squeals of joy, and even the scraped knees that send the
kids running for mommy…because you know mommy kisses fix ouches better than
anyone’s!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love the little lips that
even while sleeping provide the softest, sweetest kisses in the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love providing for them, teaching them and
helping them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never thought I would be
doing all this with a husband who travels so frequently but even on the tough
days when I’ve had enough of the whining and fighting and daddy isn’t coming
home that night to rescue us; the Lord somehow gets me through.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I start to “handle it” on my own without
prayer and petition before the Lord, I notice I am quick to fly off the handle;
start yelling and saying things I swore I would never say to my kids.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If that early 20’s me were to see me
sometimes now she would just shake her head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A few years after having our sweet boy we began to pray
about having one more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have to say
that it was a big struggle and big decision for me considering the complicated
pregnancies I had before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Clint said all
along that he would support me in whatever decision I made because it was my
body at risk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Knowing the potential of what
I faced, I still felt like I wasn’t done having babies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt like the Lord had another child
waiting to call me mommy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After a year
of trying to conceive I finally took a positive pregnancy test.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After 10 weeks we thought we were clear of
danger and began telling family and close friends our news.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a little too soon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At nearly 11 weeks we found out it was not a
viable pregnancy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I cried and prayed
even more and wanted desperately to move on and find out what else the Lord had
in store for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unfortunately that was
not all He had in store for me with that particular pregnancy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After an emotional week of Dr visits,
medications, the ER and finally a D&C, we left for Disneyland.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While there, I received news that what I had
was called a molar pregnancy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a
very complicated, very rare and potentially very dangerous form of
pregnancy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After several weeks of appointments
and blood tests it was clear my HCG numbers were not going to fall on their own
and they needed some help…with chemotherapy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I never thought that I would have to even consider that word in my 20’s,
but there I was waiting every Monday at the infusion center for my weekly chemo
injections.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know now and I knew then that
it could have been SO much worse and the Lord really spared me from SO much
more, but walking through a valley like that was tiring and emotional.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not only did I lose a pregnancy which we were
very excited about but now we were fighting for my health.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After 9 weeks of treatment my numbers were
normal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It had been 5 moths of
appointments, tests and feeling sick and tired but I was done!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was healthy and ready to move on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I continue to thank the Lord that it was in
His plan to heal my body and mend my spirit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But now what?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The dr said my risk of another molar pregnancy was low but
would still probably have all the preeclampsia risks I had before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But after such a scary road the Lord had
spoken CLEARLY to me and to Clint that I was done having babies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Emotionally and physically the Lord had made
it clear that was not in His plan for us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I felt an indescribable peace that I didn’t understand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew that the Lord had given me two
immeasurably amazing children to love and protect here on earth and I was never
promised such a thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the Bible there
were women who were promised a child and the Lord faithfully provided…I was
never promised any children, and yet he entrusted me with two of His that I
could never thank Him enough for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
yet I didn’t feel done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even with the
peace that surpassed my understanding, the desire for another child never wavered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">What about adoption?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Clint and I had discussed adoption before and neither of us was closed
to it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had grown up with adoption in
my family and never thought twice about it being out of the ordinary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A friend of mine so wisely said it her blog <a href="http://theroadtoourplus1.blogspot.com/2011/04/welcome.html">The Road to Our +1</a>, “I was raised knowing that babies come to parents in
different ways, but are loved the same. “<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It was finally the point in my life, in our marriage and in our family
that we had to make a choice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After two
healthy babies and a health scare trying to have one more, is adoption the road
the Lord wants for us?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is this desire
for more children a pull toward growing our family in another way?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Does the Lord want us to adopt a child?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have always felt as though I could love
another child just as wholly and honestly as I love my two now, but what about
Clint?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I asked him to consider and
genuinely pray about it and he feels like he could do the same. We spoke to
friends of ours who have adopted and got a feel for the good the bad and the
ugly, so to speak.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have spoken with
close friends and parents and everyone seems very open and positive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So here we are…adopting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are about a month into what could
potentially be a very lengthy process but so far we are encouraged and blessed
by the experience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not naïve enough
to think the road will be paved in gold and lined with roses. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The reality is we may get tracked through the
mud and guided over creaky bridges on our road to adding to our family, but we
feel it is the road the Lord has clearly led us to…so here we go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Eyes skyward, arms open and hearts ready to
welcome the exact child He has waiting just for us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It will not be an easy journey but we know our
next child will be worth it!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Heatherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03388566733823893973noreply@blogger.com